Fat.

fat. fat. fat. i dont want to be fat anymore.
I want to be skinny. i want to have a good body. i want a thigh gap. I want a flat belly.
i dont want to have arms, huge legs and an enormous belly.
I cant do this. I dont want this inside of me. I dont want the food. I dont want to eat it nor keep it.
I dont want my friends to worry about me, because i know what they would have to go through, ive been in that situation.
I dont want them to know. I should just keep smiling and act like nothings wrong. Thats probably the best thing to do. I only have to fake a smile until im skinny. And hopefully by then, ill be able to actually smile. I dont know. I dont know if im here by then, because i dont want to do this anymore.

- if i starve myself, will i get skinny then?
- if i try every fucking diet, will i get skinny then?
- if i work out a lot, will i get skinny then?
- if i throw up, will i get skinny then?

i am going to get skinny. i dont care about what i have to do to get there.