Stayed home from school.

so i stayed home from school today. It's the first day after the break and i have a history test. isn't that great? well. im too stupid to go to school. i don't know. I dont want to pretend anymore.
Mom and i had a fight this morning because i didn't want to go to school. She said that i was weak and that i always give up. Maybe that's the truth. it probably is. I am weak and i hate fighting and failing..

Its kind of pathetic.... im sitting here in my bed, crying my eyes out at 8.20 am. Good way to start the day, huh?
not to think of the fact that im mentally broken, It feels like i can't fight the urge to cry sometimes. I can't meet people and i can't fight my inner thoughts. I feel like letting go, maybe it would be better.
What am i doing? I'm failing, im wasting other people's time and love, Im disappointing everybody.
I guess i deserve this. i guess i deserve this pain. Is this Karma? i dont think so, because i've never really done anything bad.
I've got a doctors appointment this thursday. Mostly because of my allergy, but my mom wants me to talk about my insomnia. What am i supposed to say? that im depressed, tired and suicidal? they would've looked me in.

'lights will guide you home', maybe they will. maybe they can take me to a better place, without this pain.