breathe.

This song brings up so many emotions. I don't know what to do anymore. It's like i keep walking at the path, never looking up, just keep walking until i hit something really hard or until the i reach the end of the path. I think i might be close to the end now. Im still here though. 

I'm such a coward. I'm scared to end everything, because what if i fail? How would my best friends react? how would they feel if i left them? I guess they are the one who keeps me alive. 

It feels like im losing my family for real. My dad's grandfather is my role model for sure, He's academic, a writer and a professor. He's old. he's turning 90 next year, im so afraid of losing him. Even though i don't talk to him very much, He's always the one i look up to. My Uncle has leukemia. What would i do without him? i'm afraid of talking to him, because i'm afraid that i'll say something wrong and he will die with a bad picture of me. I tend to do that a lot. Because i never really find the right things to say. 

Then there's my dear grandpa. Rest in piece grandpa, i love you. 

I've basically lost an uncle already. i'm not allowed to see him. 

I'm afraid of death, not my own death, but my friends and my family's death. I don't even think they understand how much i do need them. 

i love them from the bottom of my heart.