where did my good looking legs go?

so i was looking at pictures from the summer 2011. Everything was so perfect back then. i had a pretty good relationship, i had swim practice 4-5 times a week, swim meets almost every weekend, school was going great, no big fights and no big issues.

Today i'm single, I dont swim at all (i don't have time), i have bad grades, Fights and big issues are a big part of my life. It's crazy how things can change so fast..

I'm the blonde girl, look at my legs... A lot of muscles, not as much fat. 

... and this is me at a swim meet like a year ago. 

When i was looking through the pics, i felt disgusted by myself and went for a jog and it was freaking 9 pm. 

I gotta get to that point again, i need to come to that happy place again. 

NO PAIN, NO GAIN. 

lately i've been thinking.

what if i'd just disappear? what if i'd just die?
would people care, would they be sad?

i'm so jealous of people who have always had the easiest life, no fights, nothing with a negative influence on their life. I'm really jealous.

The last week, or basically the last month, it feels like my whole life has been a mess and all the bad memories has been on repeat inside my head. I don't know what to do anymore. It's hard to smile and just pretend like it doesn't tear me apart. it does. I'm broken.

"you can't fly unless you let yourself fall" .. i fell a long time ago. Soon enough i'll hit the ground and it'll all have an end. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, i can't do anything. I can cry, i can take pills, i can look into nothing and see my whole life flashing by.

why do i even try?

i'm all out of faith.
My life is literally a mess. I Can't do this anymore. Why am i stupid enough to believe everything will be fine?
I need to leave this house. I need to move. I can't take another day of insults and complains.

Take my tears away, Remove the pain. heal my heart and delete the memories. I wanna end all of this.

i'm done trying. I'm done living.

mad.

Seriously. I'm about to lose my mind.
i've always been told that a home it where you're going to be comfortable, well im not. I HATE THIS FUCKING HOUSE. i hate this town, i hate the people living here and i hate everything about it!

I wanna leave, but I'm lost.

Have you ever felt like you're losing everything and hurting everything you touch?

Hi anxiety

Bye sleep.