I'll find a reason.

Have you ever been told how bad you are at something, How ugly you are or how fat you are? 

Have you ever felt broken? 

Have you ever wanted to give up? 

Have you ever wanted to go to sleep and never wake up?

I can't find words for what i'm feeling. I'd never have the nerves to put a rope around my neck or jump infront of a train. I'd never leave my friends like that. i don't want them to cry for me, I'd never want them to do that. I love them to much. 

I'd never leave my Goddaughter, i want to be here for her in the future. I want to see the beautiful woman i know she's gonna grow up to be. Somehow i don't want to leave, i have to much to live for. I still have that part of me that is tired, tired of fixing things, tired of fighting, tired of getting hurt and tired of life. 

I'm tired, u know, i'm so done with crying. I'm so done with him. 

I wish i was strong. I wish i was brave enough to make him stop. I wish i was unbroken. 

i'd never wish anyone this. 

oh father, please father. put the bottle down for the love of a daughter.....