bored and tired.

• 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. 1. grammy by soulja boy, 2. Didn't mean it by Jasmine Villegas, 3. Sweetie by Carly rae Jepsen, 4. One thing by One Direction, 4. U smile By justin Bieber, 5. Loved you first by One direction, 6. Thrift shop 
• 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Justin Bieber and Sam pottorff 
• 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. "The Rhineland should be demilitarized" 
• 4) What do you think about most? Justin Bieber 
• 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? yes, a very close friend basically wrota a song about me. 
• 6) Do you have any strange phobias? feet, and butterflies.
• 7) What's your religion? christian
• 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? smoking or tanning (but i can't really tan now because its a lot of snow.) 
• 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? One Direction
• 10) What was the last lie you told? "I missed you too" 
• 11) Do you believe in karma? hell yeah. 
• 12) What does your URL mean? that the canadian boy, Justin, is my everything. (tumblr: http://thecanadianboyismylife.tumblr.com/ ) 
• 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? my weakest side; i have a lot of emotions. my strongest side: I smile eventhough it hurts inside. 
• 14) Who is your celebrity crush? Justin Bieber, Sam pottorff and Harry Styles
• 15) How do you vent your anger? I get rid of it. i dont really know how though. 
• 16) Do you have a collection of anything? yeah, Miranda-bears. My grandma bought them all to me. 
• 17) Are you happy with the person you've become? no, maybe. I dont know. 
• 18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? A sound i hate: my annoying dog in the morning or the sounds of cars. Sound i love: when a baby laugh, and music. 
• 19) What's your biggest "what if"? "what if i wasn't so shy?" 
• 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? haha, i dont really know what to believe. It goes in periods. Of course aliens exists, DAH! 
• 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. right: my phone (it was calling. lol.) Left arm: my sister. 
• 22) Smell the air. What do you smell? perfume. 
• 23) What's the worst place you have ever been to? A terrarium and a foot-spa. 
• 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? Justin Bieber and Harry Styles. 
• 25) To you, what is the meaning of life? to live, do crazy things, meet the people you want to meet and smile. 
• 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? i can't drive by myself yet... :( 
• 27) What was the last movie you saw? Cinderella 2. 
• 28) What's the worst injury you've ever had? I fell when i was a kid and hit my eyebrow very hard, so i have a scar there. And i slipped with the razor once, twice actually, and it was really bad. 
• 29) Do you have any obsessions right now? I'm obsessed with Justin Bieber, the our 2nd life boys, arizona icetea, ben and jerry's, oreo's and skittles... and cigarettes. 
• 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you? yes. 
• 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in some cases, yes. 
• 32) What is your astrological sign? Virgo 
• 33) What's the last thing you purchased? cigarettes. 
• 34) Love or lust? both. 
• 35) In a relationship? no, im single. 
• 36) How many relationships have you had? 4 i think. 
• 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? My ass. no jk. Um. my charm, i guess? 
• 38) Where is your best friend? not right beside me *ironic voice*
• 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? i slept. 
• 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? hell yeah, im hilarious ;) 
• 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? i save the dog and take a cab to work? 
• 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
  a) I would probably tell the people who i loved the most. b) i'd do everything i had always been afraid to do and i'd do anything to meet people who had inspired me. c) yes i would. 
• 43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Oh Darling by Plug in Stereo and Baby by Justin Bieber. 
• 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? trust, friendship, a whole lot of love and fun moments. 
• 45) How can I win your heart? You have to be nice and funny.  and if you have a british accent or a very american accent, i'll fall for you. lol.
• 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity? yeah. 
• 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Being a belieber. :) 
• 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? oh gosh, i dont know. 
• 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart." Love. 
• 50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Pink and purple. (sparkle isn't a color, is it?) 
• 51) What is your current desktop picture? a picture of my friends and i. 
• 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? My ex. 
• 53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? "how are you?"
• 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Invisibility. 
• 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? the first time i saw my goddaughter. 
• 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? A breakup with one of my exes. 
• 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Justin Bieber. 
• 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? LA. 
• 59) Ever been on a plane? YES. 
• 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. 1. Justin Bieber. 2. Sam Pottorff, 3. Kian Lawley, 4. Harry Styles, 5. Zayn Malik. 

I'd rather bleed than cry.

I'm sorry. I don't want to go another day feeling like this - worthless and stupid.
I'm not god enough, im never good enough. I dont want tears in the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall all the time, because i dont want people knowing about my pain.
This is kind of my escape, this blog is where i can write what ever i want, when ever i want and nobody would really care. Only a few of my friends knows about this blog. I told them a long time ago, when i started it. I wasn't just being sad all the time. But now i am.
Somehow, im pretty glad that they don't read this blog. I dont want any of them to worry or care. I want them to care about school and their own lives, not mine. I want them to be happy.
If youre reading this; im sorry.

There's some things that you can't find the words to say, but you can express them in writing perfectly fine. Thats why i think i'd have so much better grades if we did writings. I can't raise my hand and answer questions, im too insecure. i dont want to be wrong in front of the class and show everybody that i'm dumb, that im worthless.

I'm sorry mom. Im sorry for everything my dad has done to you the last couple of years. I'm sorry i took out my anger on you, I'm sorry i still do. I'm sorry im a spoiled bitch, you said it yourself, but what do you expect me to be. You raised me this way. Daddy wasn't there, he was in jail. I guess, shopping every weekend took away the pain. Not only my pain as the traumatized kid i was,  but also your own pain of knowing that your husband was in prison again, that he left you with this kid. I'm sorry im not perfect. I really am. I've never been nor will i ever be. I'm sorry for the times you've caught me smoking and gone mad. Im sorry for drinking. I'm sorry for having anxiety attacks. I'm sorry for fighting with you. I'm sorry you had to get your 14 year old daughter birth control and condoms. Im sorry for everything mom. I'm sorry for this morning when you were nothing but nice to me and took care of me because im sick, and i was a total bitch to you because you couldn't buy me a new suitcase. I am really sorry mommy. What hurts the most is the countless times i made you cry. I'm sorry to be a disappointment. Im sorry that im not skinny or pretty. But i love you with every damn piece of my heart. Im sorry i never appreciate the things you do to me. I really am.