nothing.
thats exactly what i feel.
nothing.
i dont feel anything.
i dont feel pain,
happiness,
nor sadness.
i know im sad,
and i know im mad.
im mad at the world.
but i cant feel it.
im mad at myself for letting me turn into this mess,
i let myself down,
i let myself gain weight,
and most important,
i let myself go to a point where im suicidal.
im empty. just plain black.
im alone, even though i have people around me at all times.
sometimes i think they know,
i think they know how sad and depressed i am,
and they dont dare leaving me alone because i might kill myself.
If you know me well enough, you'll be able to read my like an open book.
you'll know my routines.
how i dress when im sad, what kind of music i listen to when im pissed, and wether its a fake smile or not.
you will know. you will notice.
im not good at this. i cant hide it. not anymore.
im sorry.
maybe thats an emotion?
so dear 12 year old self:
please dont trust that easily, dont gain weight, keep working out as much.
Dont listen to what people are telling you and dont fuck up.
